'A groundbreaking book that redefines what it means to be in a relationship.' – John Gray, PhD., bestselling author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus
Is there a science to love? In this groundbreaking book, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Amir Levine and psychologist Rachel S. F. Heller reveal how an understanding of attachment theory – the most advanced relationship science in existence today – can help us find and sustain love.
Pioneered by psychologist John Bowlby in the 1950s, the field of attachment explains that each of us behaves in relationships in one of three distinct ways:
Anxious people are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner’s ability to love them back.
Avoidant people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness.
Secure people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving.
With fascinating psychological insight, quizzes and case studies, Dr Amir Levine and Rachel Heller help you understand the three attachment styles, identify your own and recognize the styles of others so that you can find compatible partners or improve your existing relationship. An insightful look at the science behind love, Attached offers readers a road map for building stronger, more fulfilling connections.
According to psychiatrist and neuroscientist Levine and social psychologist Heller, one's adult romantic partnerships have patterns similar to those one has as a child with one's parents. Our individual attachment styles are thus, they conclude, hardwired into our brains. Focusing on three main attachment styles (secure, anxious, and avoidant), the authors explain the biological facts behind our relationship needs, teach readers how to identify their own and loved ones' attachment styles, and warn of the emotional price of connecting with someone with drastically different intimacy needs. Teaching readers communication skills to breach these differences, the authors stress that people have very different capacities for intimacy, and that partners must ensure each other's emotional well-being. Chock-full of tips, questionnaires, and case studies, this is a solidly researched and intriguing approach to the perennial trials of "looking for love in all the right places" and improving existing relationships.
Customer ReviewsSee All
Now you tell me!!!!
This book was recommended to me at a time when I was blaming myself for - and failing to move on from - a painful break-up from a turbulent relationship.
It helped me move from denial, through understanding, to the first stages of something approaching acceptance.
And, crucially, it helped me be a lot kinder to myself about the true reasons behind our failure.
I would strongly recommended it to anyone who finds themselves thinking that love can conquer all, especially if by "all" they mean frequent, emotionally-sapping groundhog-day arguments.
I just wished I'd learnt all this 20 years ago.
Give it a read. What's the worst that can happen?
+ Some good basic points of note that could help understand your actions in relationships
+ Highlights possible blind spots in your relationship behaviour
+ Simple to understand
+ Relatively comprehensive in dealing with all attachment styles
- Too reductionist (sums people up into either of the three categories as an explanation for everything)
- Too black and white in its theory in certain places. Read everything with objectivity and a critical mind as it’s easy to take everything on face value
- Somewhat biased from a female perspective on occasion (I’m a Male FYI)
- The whole concept is incredibly fluid: One can begin in one style (influenced by nature and nurture) and move between depending on life events. Thus, it bares noting that it’s less about concretely finding your attachment style, more about learning the signs of positive and negative relationship communication (Just a warning for those like myself who purchased the book looking for a potential “what style am I?” definitive answer)
TL;DR - simple to understand and easy to digest, however use the knowledge to simply increase your relationship self awareness/understanding of behaviour and read this with a critical mind
Such an informative book, I couldn't put it down.
I'll be gifting my single friends this book as it's an invaluable resource.