When I reach eight and a half stone
I will be able to shop in Topshop.
I will be able to go swimming and not displace all the water and create a tsunami.
I will fit in changing rooms without banging my elbows or exposing the moon of my arse through the curtain when I bend over.
I will be able to fit behind the narrow benches at Ronnie Scott’s to listen to jazz instead of being offered a chair at the end of the row.
I’ll be able to see my toes, which I haven’t seen since 1996 without the aid of a selfie stick.
I will be promoted and not have my desk moved to inside the stationery cupboard for being off-brand.
Liz Jones has millions of readers across the world and was shortlisted five times in the last six years as Columnist of the Year at the British Press Awards and Columnist of the Year 2012 at the BSME awards. Liz, former editor-in-chief of Marie Claire -- where she ran a high profile campaign to ban skinny models -- fashion editor at the Daily Mail and now columnist at the Mail on Sunday, grew up in Essex, and suffered from eating disorders from the age of 11 until her late thirties.
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Got to about page 50 - just a re-hash of her column in imagined form - don’t waste your money