Excalibur Shrugged

What if the legendary sword had a say in who wielded it?

Excalibur has been stuck in a stone for centuries, and frankly, the sword is getting opinionated about it. When bumbling farm boy Percival Middlebottom accidentally pulls the ancient blade free while looking for a place to tie his donkey, Excalibur realizes this is absolutely, categorically, NOT the chosen one. Unfortunately, prophecy doesn't come with a return policy.

Now bonded to the least heroic person in Britain, Excalibur must guide Percival through quests he's spectacularly unqualified for while navigating a much bigger problem: they actually like each other. As unlikely allies become true partners, they'll discover that destiny might be less about the sword or the chosen one, and more about the choices they make together.

Perfect for readers seeking a cosy fantasy adventure with found family, witty banter, and proof that heroes come in the most unexpected packages. For everyone who's ever wished legendary weapons had personality and heroes didn't need to be perfect—this tale of reluctant heroism and enthusiastic weaponry will feel like a warm hug with swords.

No world-ending stakes. No graphic violence. Just heart, humor, and a sword with too many opinions.