Ten Naughty Stories

Is it acceptable to have sex when your husband can’t watch? When does neighbourly affection go too far? No matter how charming you are, do you think you can get away with anything? What would you do if you see a monster in the ring? If you are always waiting for the right one, will you wait for ever or sacrifice yourself on the altar of never? Can you keep your dignity when things get out of hand? Is your father always right? Beg, borrow or steal, is it worth it for a deal? When revenge is a dish, is it best served hot or cold? Are you really good at what you do best, or is it time to admit you should be told? – Be wary of those who are led by their stomach…

The unexpected, the cruel, the frightening and the absurd, M.T. Sands teases and delights with Ten Naughty Stories that makes us reconsider our human foibles and frailties.

From the M T Sands Interview

(As Told to Kurt Brown)

“I always had such a wonderful time in the bazaars. You know I once hid in a carpet shop.”

“Darling, I merely record. I don’t judge or criticise. It’s so ghastly when everyone starts wagging their fingers. And shouting each other down. I must say, I don’t like all that shouty writing that’s telling you what to think or do. We have to make up our minds about that ourselves, don’t we?”

“Sometimes one has to do what one has to do, especially to take one’s mind off one’s predicament.”

We talk to MT Sands about her life on the road, her love of the bazaar; her writings and affairs, but not her diet or beauty tips.

We meet in Belton House of the Braceless Country Estate, Lincolnshire – very kindly made available by her new boyfriend, the horse-mad Sheik, Ali Al-Buti. “No relation to the terror family,” I am told as I am ushered into the Nineteenth Century Salon. “He’s been so terribly sweet but rather shy and retiring on a Saturday morning. Would you care for something to drink? – A cup of tea. Lapsang Souchong. Gunpowder Tea, there’s bergamot in it, hits you like the charge of the light brigades. If you prefer coffee, there’s instant, or Sainsbury’s own brand espresso.”

All this comes tumbling out before I have time to scribble in my notebook. “You’re not taping me. Don’t tell me you are one of those gentlemen of the press who still knows how to do short-hand. I always wanted to learn, though I have to content myself with the phonetic alphabet and the schwa. You do know the schwa,” she says. “It’s everywhere in the English language.”

M.T. Sands ers at me and rolls her eyes. Then, as if this is still part of the joke, feigns death throes.

“What about that drink?”

“I think I’ll just have a glass of water,” I say.

“Still or sparkling.”

“From the tap is fine.”

(To be cont'd)

Read more of Kurt Brown's Interview with M.T. Sands  in Ten Naughty Stories, also available in paperback.