About a year ago I started the search for my biological mother and shared my experience in a blog entitled 'The Adoption Files'. However, writing 'The Adoption File’ became as much about understanding the effects of childhood on individuals as finding my natural family. Whilst my story is related to my adoption much of what I discovered about the effects of childhood and family is the same for anyone, whether adopted or not. The truth is family is central to many of our life experiences and sometimes those are good and sometimes not so good. When childhood has not been so good it can overshadow the rest of our lives, however, it does not have to, we can turn those negatives around to achieve positives outcomes.
Many people spend their lives trying to be the person their family want them to be rather than just being themselves. This often stems from negative experiences in childhood that shape relationships within families. That childhood and family shape our lives is not exactly a startling revelation, however, this much I know, they do not have to define who we are and who we become. As George Eliot would say “It is never too late to be who you might have been”. We are not bound by our childhoods, forever imprisoned in a world defined for us by others. Throughout life we meet individuals who are equally as important in shaping who we are and what we might become, and of course we also have our own will, intellect, humour to carry us forward into life to become the people we want to be.
The central message of this story can be summed up in the words of Steve Jobs;
Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.