Trumped

In a tale of intrigue that invokes images of the Lone Ranger and Tonto and the poetry of Edgar Allen Poe, a swashbuckling, reckless and sometimes witless President Trump pilots Air Force One to Iran and North Korea where he takes out the leaders of both countries with the help of a private detective named Holmes. Returning to the White House, instead of the expected hero’s welcome, Trump finds he has been fi red because of Russia’s manipulation of America’s voting machines, on evidence which includes the following clandestine exchange between operatives known only as Sore Throat and Cough Drop:

Sore Throat: “We must get our agents into Trump University’s voting machine installation and repair programs. Our graduates shall then go forth and conquer.”

Cough Drop: “Can they pay the tuition?”

Sore Throat: “No. There must be scholarships.”

Cough Drop: “What about room and board?”

Sore Throat: “Must be free as well.”

Cough Drop: “Books?”

Sore Throat: “Russians don’t read.”

Cough Drop: “Good. We’re all set.”

Sore Throat: “Wait. Russians do eat. What about a meal plan?”

Cough Drop: “Done.”

Trump himself then continues the discussion with Sore Throat and adds a year’s supply of Trump steaks and Trump wine to make sure the deal is sealed.

After going into seclusion to collect his thoughts, Trump joins with Vladimir Putin and has an assassin kill the new president, but after a conversation with Putin, in which Putin recalls that Benjamin Franklin said that if more than one person knows a secret it’s no secret, the assassin is assassinated, leaving only Trump and Putin with knowledge of the facts. Trump then assassinates Putin, signing off with “Vlad, old boy, what Franklin actually said was that three may keep a secret if two of them are dead.”