White Roses in a Dream

While writing this sequel to my first book, MANipulated Into Fear, There Is Always A Pattern, I couldn't understand how I was able to live the dark side of life while others perceived me as living a happy normal life.

I was devastated at the thought of being unemployed now and allowing my relationship with an abuser to affect my family and me, and our lives. I began to realize that I, too, had traits, patterns and action plans, just like Rolf, and that there was always a pattern of abuse within families.

Irrational thoughts entered my mind, and I began contemplating ending Rolf's life before he ended mine. In the same vein, if I didn't murder Rolf, I felt the need for me to take my own life to stop living in fear because of Rolf. I was hoping that there was a way for me to control my fear, when one day, I saw white roses and knew that they symbolized new beginnings.

Several months later, I left to go on vacation to Germany and hoped that I would be able to leave my feelings of fear behind. Sometimes, one never knows what to expect on a trip. There were times when I felt like Cinderella, had quite an adventure, and wished that I had brought my weapon for protection.

When I returned home, something very unexpected happened to me. I had a relationship with a man that seemed to be surreal. One can only continue to pray for white roses in a dream, and hope for a new beginning with their life. It doesn't always have to be a dream!