Why Does He Do That?
Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
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4.5 • 31 Ratings
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- £9.49
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- £9.49
Publisher Description
In this groundbreaking bestseller, Lundy Bancroft—a counselor who specializes in working with abusive men—uses his knowledge about how abusers think to help women recognize when they are being controlled or devalued, and to find ways to get free of an abusive relationship.
He says he loves you. So...why does he do that?
You’ve asked yourself this question again and again. Now you have the chance to see inside the minds of angry and controlling men—and change your life. In Why Does He Do That? you will learn about:
• The early warning signs of abuse
• The nature of abusive thinking
• Myths about abusers
• Ten abusive personality types
• The role of drugs and alcohol
• What you can fix, and what you can’t
• And how to get out of an abusive relationship safely
“This is without a doubt the most informative and useful book yet written on the subject of abusive men. Women who are armed with the insights found in these pages will be on the road to recovering control of their lives.”—Jay G. Silverman, Ph.D., Director, Violence Prevention Programs, Harvard School of Public Health
PUBLISHERS WEEKLY
This fascinating investigation into what makes abusive men tick is alarming, but its candid handling of a difficult subject makes it a valuable resource for professionals and victims alike. Bancroft, the former codirector of Emerge, the nation's first program for abusive men, has specialized in domestic violence for 15 years, and his understanding of his subject and audience is apparent on every page. "One of the prevalent features of life with an angry or controlling partner is that he frequently tells you what you should think and tries to get you to doubt or devalue your own perceptions and beliefs," he writes. "I would not like to see your experience with this book re-create that unhealthy dynamic. So the top point to bear in mind as you read is to listen carefully to what I am saying, but always to think for yourself." He maintains this level of sensitivity and even empathy throughout discussions on the nature of abusive thinking, how abusive men manipulate their families and the legal system and whether or not they can ever be "cured." Jargon-free analysis is frequently broken up by interesting first-person accounts and boxes that distill in-depth information into simple checklists. Bancroft's book promises to be a beacon of calm and sanity for many storm-tossed families.
Customer Reviews
See AllMy life is changed
This book changed my life. I realised by reading this that abuse is rooted in attitudes and grows from entitlement, and self centredness. ABUSE IS ADAPTABLE - someone who abuses you can always escalate, deescalate, change tactics completely as power dynamics change. If you stopped reacting or if they were no longer able to do one form of abuse, it would simply change into something else. In society it’s not considered acceptable to beat a woman down to the ground anymore and many men fear the consequences so they resort to other forms of abuse which are much more acceptable. Once you are free, you will never unsee it. As long as these attitudes in men remain, they will find any way to hurt and abuse us.
Every woman should read
Unfortunately not only did this book make me realise my ex was abusive - it made me realise a large majority of men have abusive ideologies. You start to realise many of your interactions with men are problematic. Lundy is a lifesaver.
Thank you
This book gave me so much insight and allowed me to see things I could not see for myself, despite something in my gut telling me something was wrong. It gave me the strength to assert my rights and leave, and protected me from a future that could arguably have become very depressing, complicated, and arguably dangerous. I feel so much more freedom already. Thank you Lundy, for your important and powerful work, and how you’ve helped me in my life.