Court Jester of the Castle

Al bought a house. Al bought a house that started to attract some very weird people like the local sheriff, an ex-criminal, charity collectors and a screaming banshee. Al bought a house that was full of things that didn't make any sense, like the possible swingers party/ opium den back shed and the mystery under house speaker. Al bought a house and with his budget of not much at all, attempted to patch things up with his next to zero skills in DIY, often making things hilariously worse. Al bought a house and along the way created an undead mower, fought against diarrhetic sparrows, waged war against mafia roses and glued himself together with liquid nails. 
And then Al had to sell the house in a hurry.

The hilariously true story of harrowing home ownership by a guy who came, saw and conquered absolutely nothing at all. Full of handy advice of what not to do when rolling up the sleeves and essential reading if you're in the position to finally stop renting and move into a place you can't wait to call your own.