Don't Do What I Did

THIS IS NOT A RELATIONSHIP BOOK
THIS IS A BREAKUP BOOK

There’s no better high than being in love—so naturally, there’s no bigger crash than a breakup. Hate to break it to you (pun intended), but every relationship in history ends one of two ways: you stay together, or you don’t. And if this book’s in your hands, I’m guessing you’re currently ugly-crying through option two.

You might be feeling all the things: sad, pissed, betrayed, horny (yes, that one sneaks in), or like your ex’s face is suddenly hiding in every damn song, streetlight, and coffee order. Maybe you’re still trying to “understand what happened,” or maybe you’re parked outside their house eating a gas-station muffin while listening to The Tortured Poets Department. And if one more person tells you “time heals all wounds,” you’re going to punch them squarely in the F***ING face.

So let me tell you the truth: time won’t fix this. You will.

And I should know—I’ve suffered through breakups so badly this book had to be called Don’t Do What I Did. I’ve begged, ghosted, texted poems at 2 a.m., and once downed eight espresso martinis in one sitting. That’s right, EIGHT. But I learned from the wreckage. I made the mistakes so you don’t have to.

This isn’t another “move on, queen!” book. It’s the guide to actually surviving heartbreak with your dignity (mostly) intact—and maybe even laughing while you do it.