Her Catalyst: Part 16 of 25

In Part 16, Angelisa and Rebeka greatly appreciate their new furry friends. As Rebeka continues to heal from her previous abuse, she’s unprepared for the positive responses she receives when she does her first drawing on commission then wins an art contest. Later, Angelisa feels betrayed by her culture’s leaders and sneaks away from home to protect the document of their culture’s ancient laws.

A peek inside:

Rebeka shakes her head as she tries to answer, “I . . . I don’t know. When you’re kissing me or Sharlene is hugging me or George is holding me, or any combination, I feel clean, whole, pure, like I’m being given a second chance or like the abuse never happened and I just want it to keep going. But if it kept going, I know I would barf my guts out and embarrass us all. Yet, I don’t want to leave you or them. . . .”

. . .

“I have to keep reminding myself . . . . They’re supporting and encouraging me to be my own person, to make my own success, even as they seem to give me so much support I’m floating along on it. I also feel like I need to prove to my family and my culture that I can be more than a baby factory, that I can use my brain and be independent and be my own person and succeed in the wider world. . . . In that, we’re very similar. You’re reputation in town has closed any of the possible doors which might have been open in a small town. You’re stuck. You also need to prove to your family, your neighbors, and the entire town that you’re not a failure, that you can succeed, that you can be independent, that you are your own person who has value and talent, and that you can share goodness with those who are around you.

“We’re luckier than most people who are stuck in a dead end because we have Sharlene and George who support us, encourage us, and show us that there’s an elevator at the dead end which can lift us up to better opportunities. As much as I like the affection, the touching, the kissing, and the caressing, and believe me, it just keeps getting better to where it can be overwhelming, I have to keep reminding myself that I can’t live there. I know I can’t deny my desire for affection and intimacy, but I can delay the pleasure for awhile, then retreat into their arms as though I was their precious little girl to be recharged and re-encouraged to again face the world and strive to be all that I can be as a strong and independent woman.”

“I think I understand what you’re saying.” Rebeka hesitates then goes on, “I guess this awareness inside of me that affection and intimacy can be very beautiful is just too new to be able to understand. I was convinced I would never see or feel beauty or peace or belonging for the rest of my life and here I am surrounded by it and I feel like I’m willing to drown in it because it’s so much the opposite of what I’ve experienced for so many years.”

“Willing to drown is a good description.”

“Will you still be my friend even though I’m all confused and don’t know what I’m feeling or even what I really want?”

Angelisa assures her, “Of course. For years, I was confused about who I was and had no goal other than to avoid what I didn’t want. Now, I have an identity, even if it’s shaky from time to time and I have a goal, even if it’s bigger than I can possibly achieve, but I also have so much support and encouragement, that even the impossible goal seems achievable. Give yourself a little time to absorb the support and encouragement you’re being given and you’ll be able to find out who you are and who you want to be and then, watch out world, here comes Rebeka.”

She sadly chuckles then says, “You have stars in your eyes.”

“No, my special friend. I know you don’t believe me, but you have so much potential within you as a person and through your art, it’s unbelievable. Please don’t argue with me, just believe, and if you can’t believe, then hope, and if you can’t hope, relax in our support and encouragement until you can hope and believe.”