The Interrupted Process

As a child I suspected that there was more to life than I could conceive. I would lie on my back on a hill top or a grassy bank and stare at the sky.Night, day, it did not matter. I looked. I pondered. I felt connection but also disconnected.No one seemed to be able to help.


I grew away from wonderment and turned to habit. At some point my life took some horrible turns. Some were choices I made, some were not. Over time I made more and more painful, hurtful choices - for hurt people hurt people. Pain overtook my life. Depression set in. Looking back it was a nightmare with few pockets of joy. 


And then while walking through a grocery store in August of 1989 He met me. His presence overwhelmed me. I was amazed. Over time I began to ponder again. To look. To realize how great He was.


Yet... life still took some crazy turns. Death, destruction and more, caused me to wonder. Was my life just a mess? Or was it just being unraveled? Restored? Made whole?


Too often in our lives we think the bad things dictate the future. Yet some 25 years after embracing Him, I have seen His hand weave a marvelous tapestry of friends, family and faith through out my life.


My life is an open book. My ministry often predicated not on my successes but my mistakes. Yet, I have found in the midst of pain, the middle of hurt, He was there. I do not look at my life as failure, but the life of one who did not "beat the odds" but engaged with the One who overcame death to allow me to live whole and love wide.