When Your Parent Was the Child

There is a particular childhood that leaves a particular wound, the childhood of the child who had to be the grown-up, who had to parent their own parent, who never got to be a child because someone had to be the adult and it fell to them. This is the wound of parentification, of the child who had to be the parent, and if you carry it, you may have carried it so long, and so competently, that you have never quite named it.

When Your Parent Was the Child is a compassionate, practical guide that meets this experience with warmth, clarity, and structure. Across its chapters, Elia Sal explores the child who had to be the grown-up, how a child becomes the parent, and emotional and instrumental parentification. At its centre is the Off Duty Method, a repeatable way to turn insight into realistic next steps.

Inside, readers will find:
• clear explanations that make a difficult experience easier to name
• reflective questions and grounded practices
• small, realistic actions that can be returned to without shame

Written in direct, humane language, this book is for readers who want to feel less alone, understand what is happening, and move forward at their own pace.