Breaking Patterns

  For a long time, I carried my childhood like a quiet weight inside my body — memories replaying when I was tired, triggered, or trying to rest. I learned how to function, how to survive, how to keep going. But survival is not the same as peace. And eventually, my soul asked for more than endurance.  This book is the result of choosing healing over silence.  I grew up in a home where fear was louder than safety, where love was conditional, and where I learned very early that being quiet felt safer than being seen. Abuse, neglect, and emotional abandonment shaped my nervous system before I ever had words for it. When home wasn't safe, my body learned to stay alert. When caregivers failed to protect me, I learned to protect myself.  Like many children who grow up in chaos, I was labeled "Too much." "Too sensitive."  "Too emotional" "Too difficult."  But the truth is, I was a child responding normally to an abnormal environment.  Those early experiences followed me into adulthood. They showed up in my relationships, in my tendency to over-give, in my habit of people-pleasing, and in the deep longing to finally be seen and chosen — especially by the very people who never could show up for me in the first place.  For years, I kept trying harder. I believed that if I loved enough, forgave enough, or sacrificed enough, something would change. It didn't. What changed instead was me. 
Healing didn't arrive all at once. It came quietly.  Through awareness.  Through exhaustion.  Through realization.  That I was allowed to walk away — even from family— if staying meant abandoning myself. Setting boundaries didn't make me bitter. It made me honest.  This book is not about blaming. It's about naming.  It's about acknowledging what happened without minimizing it. It's about understanding how trauma shapes us — and how awareness gives us the power to choose differently. It's about breaking ancestral patterns of abuse, silence, self-betrayal, and emotional neglect — and deciding that the cycle ends here.  I was born into a family system that couldn't hold me. But I was also born to break the pattern.  What follows is where the pattern began — not to relive it, but to finally see it clearly.  I didn't write this book to re- live my pain.  I wrote it to release it.