I, Nigel Dorking

Do not under any circumstances read this book. It's the incredibly and extremely private story of Nigel Dorking. Put it down immediately. Do Not Read Beyond This Point. This is the Really Really Extremely Private Story of Nigel Dorking, Incredibly Smart for his IQ, Tall, and Precocious, but Perilously Unhappy.
N igel Dorking
I s desperate to win his father back. And
G iven he's so smart, far smarter than his horrible stepmother the
E vil Babette, surely he won't end up
L osing Dad to his new family? If only D ad hadn't fallen for her and totally ruined their lives.
O bviously having a spastic and
R eally retarded brother like Ivan hasn't helped, as they tend not to impress fathers.
K nowledge, however, Nigel is certain, will impress Dad.
I f he can amaze and dazzle Dad with his interesting facts, Maybe then
N igel's Dad will come home, and then he, Nigel, will have achieved his holy
G rail.