I Wear the Shorts in this Family

Dear potential book investor,

DO NOT read this book if:

1.You have avoided marriage, pregnancy, children, life, chaos and pandemonium.
2.You’re a big fan of Dick Cheney. (Or if you are Dick Cheney.)
3.You bought contact lenses in London around 1994.
4.Your child is currently wearing a dirty diaper, or worse, you are.

DO read this book if:

1.Your idea of birth control is trying to forget when you had sex.
2.You or your wife might be interested in buying a maternity bikini.
3.Your dog is a slut.
4.You have been poisoned by your mother.
5.You truly love your significant other with all your heart and you spend each and every day trying to live up to the lofty ideals that damn preacher made you recite the day you got married.