Friggin Zombies (Unabridged‪)‬

This is ridiculous. I mean seriously. I work for years, since I was in high school for crap’s sake, to be prepared for any emergency, anytime. I study, I train, I keep up with the news. I look for new products, I scour the web for suggestions about things I should always have on hand. I took training courses. First aid, advanced life saving, volunteered for my local fire department and trained to fight fire, extricate people from crushed cars, whatever the situation called for. I took private, and expensive, training programs for almost every kind of scenario or event I could imagine, read about, or hear a rumor of. Plague? Got it. Nuclear, Biological or Chemical attack, by terrorists or in war, either one? Got that too. Massive earthquake like that one in Japan that tore up the nuclear plant? Ready for it. Horrendous hurricane that levels everything in its path? Even though I lived hundreds of miles inland, still prepared for it. Could work for tornado outbreaks too after all, right? 

After all that time, sweat, money and even a little blood, what do I get? What great, earth changing event happens? Zombies. The friggin’ Zombie Apocalypse.