Overpowered Magic Goo (Unabridged‪)‬

Where am I? Why is everything so dark? Am I… dead?

Wait, never mind, I'm just trapped in a dark, dank cave filled with dangerous creatures in a magical world with Skills and Levels. I'll have to fight through friendly monsters that want to eat me, insane Dark Elves, and a stereotypically evil empire led by a stereotypically evil God King just to get the heck to the surface—all that as a blob made out of purple goo.

Well, anyway, I'm starving. Is there anything to eat around here? Seriously, I could scarf down a whole village!