Curriculum Vitae 2021

All are affected by world-wide pecuniary meltdown. The uneven keel of fiscal redistribution are causing belts to be tightened...the economic crisis is reaching epidemic proportions...troubled millionaires are subsidised and bailed out by compassionate taxpayers to stop them taking that last leap as is traditionally expected. Artists suffer as much as Wall Street Magnates; contemporary artworks are a luxury that people can afford to do without. – only established art from deceased artists command respectable prices by substituting volatile money in a balanced investment portfolio.

Wanting to ‘kick start’ the contemporary art market in response to the monetary calamity, Lansdown has took drastic action and resorted to publishing a Curriculum Vitae. The illustrations provide joyous relief to discerning curators who are no doubt anxious for a change from earnest art dabblers enthusing about their latest insipid depiction of their pet favourite poodle dog. Not to mention reprieve for the art collector who routinely deletes thirty emails from the local art society eager to show their kitsch renditions of sailboats and wilting chrysanthemums in a jug. Hopefully this book will reach the serious fine art dealer before they are on the verge of despair upon seeing yet another pot boiler rendition of cottages with roses and are idly turning their attention to making a slipknot.

Please flick through this life times work for half a minute pretending to review it while I mulch off into the corner and prepare for a cruel assessment. If you have any compassion, buy it to use as a somnambulistic aide at bedtime. This book also makes a great door wedge since it is an ideal width for most doors.

‘There are rhythms in the heart that are not always present in the landscapes of the world’ – Lansdown 2010