Dishings at Fiasco's

A writer recounts odd conversations, food, bands, and other diversions experienced at FIASCO'S, winner of a Least Awful Gourmet Award for its "signature Italian-type food," whatever that is. Meet owner Adolfo MacDuff, maitre'd Carmina Burana, chef Falcon Roost, and many others who are frequently found at the bar in FIASCO'S, pondering critical questions like whether a vampire polar bear could turn into a bat or not.
Readers will also learn:
Can Falcon Roost survive cooking at FIASCO'S much longer without serious injury?
Does anyone want to make the writer's screenplay of Kong Fu, which is exactly as bad as it sounds?
Is the "Under Nude Management" sign outside FIASCO'S another typo or not?
Will former Coney Island sideshow fire-eater Carmina Burana find love?
Can Adolfo MacDuff win a "world's biggest" food item notice for his giant gnoccho (and figure out how to pronounce it)?