Heartscapes

from Lost and Found Again

I got lost again
in the maze of my mind
But this time I managed to leave my good sense behind
I thought that putting a bullet in my brain
would take away the fear and stop the pain
How tragic, how insane!
If only I could set my soul free from my body
Id be at peace again
Id live in ecstasy

from the preface to Meryls forthcoming memoir By Grace I Dance

On June 11, 1987, following a three-month period of hopelessness, self-doubt and fear I shot myself in the head at point blank range with a 22 caliber Beretta pistol my husband brought home one carefree afternoon for protection and target practice. It is a miracle that I am still alive to tell you this story. Even as I write these words now, years after the accident, I am amazed and horrified by what I actually did.