IF

Attention parents! Tired of teaching your children the difference between right and wrong? Don’t have the time to keep your kids out of trouble? Don’t trust the sub-par education system? Get MetaFic. Inc’s patented IF Chip today!

Its a simple out-patient procedure covered by most major health insurance providers! Painless and fast!

The IF Chip’s patented synoptic technology reacts with your child’s neural cortex to create an imaginary friend fully customizable by you. Together with our imaginary experts, you will choose the fantastical companion and settings right for your child’s particular needs.

Your child may choose from such imaginary pals as kittens, puppies, rabbits (our best selling model!), fairies, squirrels, princesses (an instant classic), superheroes (may cause heights-related injuries), lamas or even a camel (our best selling Middle Eastern model).

Choose your own religion setting from “fanatical _____” to “rabid atheist.” Choose your child’s intellectual setting from “future Nobel prize winner” to “at least she’s pretty.” Select our premium “problem child” setting and watch as your child becomes a model citizen with our special “Mild Mind Mend Meld”™ therapy .

Come to our imaginarium centers for a free consultation today, or e-mail us with questions and comments.

From MetaFic, Inc.

Warning: Not FDA approved. Long term effects of the IF Chip have not been studied. MetaFic, Inc. disclaims all uses for a specific purpose. Not recommended for kids over 16. May cause psychological defects and mental scarring. Requires immature mature sense of humor. May lead to slight sexual stimulation. Not recommended for camels. Best read naked.