Porn vs Chicken

PORN vs CHICKEN is a collection of all-original rants about the things in life that just get under your skin such as:


SOCIAL MEDIA

I'm sorry, but thanks to that Instagram of your cute cat picture, my signal-to-noise ratio is more diluted than a $9 cup of Dodger Stadium beer...


HOLLYWOOD

If you want to know why my soul cries itself to sleep from a hunger so deep that Jacques Cousteau once saw the Loch Ness Monster humping the wreck of the Titanic in it, please pan over to the smorgasbord of excrement Hollywood execs are throwing at us like monkeys flinging their poo...


THE "ONE PERCENT" 

...as they're now commonly monikered, look down upon you with the kind of disdain usually only reserved for dogsh*t or any movie starring Adam Sandler. This is completely ironic; I heard the next Adam Sandler film actually won't be distributed in theaters but will instead make its debut on the bottom of your shoe...


Plus for the first time in print, the entire transcript of PCH's classic INTERVIEW WITH JESUS


And of course I try to settle once and for all, the great debate of our time PORN vs CHICKEN: 


1. If you're starving to death and have your choice between chicken and porn, you'll still take a moment to think about it...



2. It's rare to find German bondage chicken...


Oh, there's plenty more in PORN vs CHICKEN to rankle your short hairs. So strap in or strap on...your choice, baby. I'm not here to chew bubble gum and blow rainbows up your a**. I'm here to f*cking rant.


Shall we?


ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Mark Yoshimoto Nemcoff is a bestselling and award-winning author living in Los Angeles who has been known to occasionally moonlight as a TV host, voice-over artist and rock journalist. A professional composer of music for television for many years, opportunity knocked and transformed him into a screen/TV writer and author featured on "Access Hollywood." Then a podcast recorded in his car became a weeknightly drive-time radio show on Sirius Sateillite Radio. Playboy Magazine possibly said it best in an article about Mark that likened him to a combination of Howard Stern, Trey Parker and Jon Stewart.