Rescuing Julia Twice

When the New York Post published Tina Traster’s essay about her difficulty bonding with her daughter, Julia, whom she and her husband had adopted from a Siberian orphanage, the seasoned journalist was shocked and overwhelmed by the response, both empathetic and angry. In this frank and honest memoir, Traster tells her full foreign-adoption story, from dealing with the bleak landscape and the inscrutable and withholding adoption handlers in Siberia, to her feelings of inexperience and ambivalence at being a new mother in her early forties, to her growing realization over months then years that something was amiss with Julia, who remained cold and emotionally detached both at home and in school. Traster movingly recounts how uncertainty turned to despair as she blamed herself and her mothering skills for her daughter’s troublesome behavioral issues, until she came to understand that Julia suffered from reactive attachment disorder, a serious condition associated with infants and young children who have been neglected, abused, or orphaned. As she describes how—with work, commitment, and acceptance—she and her husband have been able to close the gulf between them and their daughter to form a loving bond, Traster provides practical advice and reassurance for parents struggling with attachment issues.