VARIERTY… seen as a therapy

I try to understand the human being, analysing all the souls around myself.
Obsessively.
Analysing and defining especially the weirdness i see in life.
And ... certainly i look weird.
Speaking about lots of things which defines the nonsense behind the human behaviour.
Even if it is about immorality.
Ignoring boundaries.
And any type of limit which i should not pass as a writer.
Not carrying of anything.
Obsessively wanting to understand the dynamic of our
behaviour.
So ... i continue this philosophical and spiritual journey, but all being in fact a reflection of the need of doing something to heal my own soul.
Pretending i write about the weirdness seen at the others, but being ashamed of what i feel deep inside myself.
That's why i always write about a variety of subjects,
analysing in fact variety ... even if it is so, so related to the nonsense.
Into the end ... i dare to ask myself why do i need variety?!
Is it a therapy?!
The need itself creates me a lots of problems, being related many times with illegal things, immortality ... but also stupidity.
Proving i am an idiot.
A big one.
But ... of course ... it is easier to analyse the cases of others.
Much easier.
Forgetting about my need of variety ... even if many times, unconsciously, i try to stop myself to chase for so many things in life.
To accept also boringness.
Because variety itself ... at least according to the statistics of my own existence ... never brought me anything good.
Being ... an illusory therapy.
So ... i guess ... i simple try to analyse such cases, trying to understand the dynamic of my own life.
Actually... trying to find a way for a better life ... but being aware that the trick with variety ... is just an illusion ... which is poisoning my soul.