The ABSURD ... experienced while in love

A new book.
A new illusory tendency of trying to understand the weird dynamic of love relationships.
Trying to understand ... why the hell i can't be happy near this woman i desperately love.
Failing.
Failing ... again and again.
Cause ... you see ... into the beginning i really thought i will be happy ... hoping so much i'll get from her what i really want... but always ending up experiencing ... the absurd.
So ... the question is why?!
Why?!
Why?!
Why?!
Meanwhile ... i still write.
Analysing and defining ... but unfortunately feeling i am too weak as a man ... and i can't really change anything at all.
Yes ... not being able to redefine the absurd.
The miserable scenario i am experiencing... with all those women from the stage of my life.
As always ... I've written the so called "introduction" at the end ... and even if into the last page of the book i claim that i have no real conclusions ... i could probably say that it's too much for myself to really understand ... the game of duality.
So ... i am just balancing emotionally between enjoying my love stories and being somehow destroyed of the fact that i've decided to join duality.
And ... It's simply too much for my brain ... or too much for my soul to endure as ... pain.
But ... as i said in many other books published into the
past ... i keep writing as a form of self-therapy ... trying in fact to see how i can be happy ... as any other human
being ... even if all looks as a nonsense.