Wally and the Jiders

For thirty years, growth hormones and genetic transfers were used at a top-secret, military facility in eastern Oregon to create BIGGER and BIGGER spiders that could eventually be used in ground combat.

After finally creating spiders that had abdomens the size of exercise balls, heads the size of basketballs, eyes the size of baseballs, and twenty-foot leg spans, the facility blows up—and a 700-pound female escapes with an egg sac containing two thousand eggs.

In a case of mistaken identity, a discontented owner of a sandwich shop in Des Moines, Iowa (Wally Herbolsheimer) gets handed intelligence about the clandestine operation and creates a blog to slowly release information under the guise of being an old-school, investigative journalist who has been using the sandwich shop as a front.

Everyone turns to the Herbolsheimer Report to get the facts, and Wally milks it for all that it’s worth as the insatiable spiders, called jiders, use their shocking speed and agility to chase people down (both indoors and outdoors), break their craniums with their razor-sharp, two-pound fangs, and suck their brains out.

Catapulted to fame as jiders terrorize towns in the American northwest, Wally refuses to identify his source (or sources) under pressure from the F.B.I. and accuses the president and the military-industrial complex of a cover-up as he gets rich and famous in a cover-up of his own.

A high-school romance that the middle-aged Wally has never gotten over serves as a backstory for this farcical, horror tale that gets more and more horrific.