The Indirect Path to Fitting In

When a person feels that they aren't socially accepted, this is a form of suffering. There is a way to end the suffering, but it is indirect. Changing the focus of our attention from our own condition to the needs of others will necessarily lead us along a path toward integration because our priorities will change. We can't help others without engaging with them, and if we're committed to providing this help then we'll make personal changes to facilitate this social engagement. We'll do things for the people we love that we wouldn't do for ourselves, and therefore the solution is to love more. We'll find our efforts to help others hampered if we aren't socially integrated, and so we'll make changes and compromises that would otherwise conflict with our internal logic. In the process, we'll find that we can make many changes toward social norms that don't actually conflict with our core values or necessitate that we cast off our true feelings of identity. If we know we have more to contribute, and yet we remain on the social periphery and therefore impede our own contribution, then we're like a candle placed under a basket which provides light to no one.