Ben Jonson’s The Magnetic Lady, or Humors Reconciled (1632): A Retelling

This is an easy-to-read retelling of Ben Jonson's classic comedy play THE MAGNETIC LADY. Reading this retelling first will make reading the original play much easier to understand.

Some textual items of interest:

—1.4 —

Mistress Polish continued:

“I molded her and fashioned her and formed her; she had the sweat both of my brows and brains, My Lady knows it, since she could write a quarter old.”

The words “since she could write a quarter old” mean “since she — Pleasance — was a week old.”

The word “quarter” means “a fourth of a lunar month.”

Pleasance’s mother died giving birth to her, and her father quickly died afterward in the same month, and so Pleasance became Mistress Polish’s ward when Pleasance was one fourth of a lunar month old — one week old.

One meaning of “write” is “to be age [such-and-such].”

—1.7 —

Lord Whach’um

Sir Moth Interest was a usurer, or money-bawd, and brother to Lady Loadstone. Master Bias was a vi-politic — a vice-politician, aka assistant to an official.

The official was Lord Whach’um: Lord What-You-Call-Him.

—2.2 —

Dame Keep of Kat’er’ne’s

Annoyed, Mistress Polish, said:

“How now, goody nurse, Dame Keep of Kat’er’ne’s?”

“Goody” is short for “goodwife,” a title of address.

She was referring to Saint Katherine’s Hospital, where insane people were kept.

“Kat’er’ne’s” may also be an oblique reference to “cater’in’s,” or “caterwaulings.”

— 2.6 —

Cimice

Sir Moth Interest, Parson Palate, Doctor Rut, and Master Bias exited in a panic.

“How they are scattered!” Compass said.

“That have run away like cimici into the crannies of a rotten bedstead,” Captain Ironside said.

Cimici is Italian for bedbugs.

Cimici glances at vim-’n’-see: Show some vim and vigor and see them run.

— 3.2 —

Rudhudibras

Doctor Rut asked, “Where’s your captain, Rudhudibras de Ironside?”

Rud Hudibras was a legendary figure in Britain. He was the son of King Leil, and he founded Carlisle, Canterbury, and Winchester.

His name suggests “Rude Hubris.”

— 4.2 —

astonomy

Compass said to himself, “A little more would fetch all his astonomy from Allestree.”

In other words: A little conversation would show that he got all his prognostications from a man named Allestree.
Astonomy is perhaps a portmanteau word meaning “astonishing astronomy.” The phrase may be regarded as a description of astrology — which is the word that readers would expect to see there.

— 5.8 —

“I’d have her statue cut now in white marble,” Doctor Rut said.

“And have it painted in most orient — brilliant — colors,” Sir Moth Interest said.

“That’s right!” Doctor Rut said. “All city statues must be painted; otherwise, they are worth nothing in their subtle and cunning judgments.”

The city aldermen are capable of being bribed. In order for their subtle and cunning — and unethical — judgments to be regarded in a good light, the alderman must be painted. That is, they must be misrepresented — they must be given a false coloring.

Statues in ancient Greece and Rome were painted, but Sir Henry Wotton called the painting of statues “an English barbarism” in his The Elements of Architecture (1624).