Many people who have dated or chosen to marry narcissistic people come to me for help. They need to know how to relate to their narcissists. They must learn how to stay out of the lines of fire of the narcissists. They are stuck in cycles of abuse and manipulation, with seemingly no end in sight. They are distraught at the possibility of continuing the relationships, but they are also at a loss as to how to continue on without their partners.
A relationship with a narcissistic and self-absorbed person doesn't have to end. Despite the person being extremely immature and deficient in social, cognitive, and communication skills, he often still deserves to be loved and to belong. After all, acceptance and belonging are two of the most basic needs of human beings. Most humans deserve to feel some sense of acceptance and belonging, even if they have made mistakes or are immature in how they relate to others.
Narcissists make many mistakes, and they often don't know how to relate to other people. The more mistakes a narcissist makes in regard to relating to others, the bleaker and more dismal his outlook on life becomes. It is no wonder a narcissist will begin to have a conduct disorder, an adjustment disorder, or mental health issues. Even if narcissists want to relate in positive ways to others, experiences have shown that they cannot do so without a great deal of pain and frustration. And thus they might give up on relating positively with anyone at all.
But how does one begin to have a healthy relationship with a narcissist? Don't narcissists generally destroy any ability to have safe and healthy relationships by their very narcissistic natures? Doesn't their self-absorbed behavior conflict with the very acts of giving and intimacy that are necessary in an intimate relationship? Most of the time, a relationship with a narcissist cannot reach levels of personal security and freedom that are experienced in healthy relationships.