Diary of Half a Sausage...dog: New Year

Written from Ralf's perspective, we are taken on the roller-coaster ride of his life.

With a secret desire to be the next Picasso, a deep infatuation with the park pin-up and a ticking time bomb underneath the blackberry bush, life is never going to be straightforward for Ralf, the insightful, (in his own words), half-Sausage dog. Keen to improve himself, he creates several ambitious New Year Resolutions that seem impossible to achieve. Will he manage to reach his clearly articulated goals? Er, no. In fact life is a long string of challenges interspersed with the occasional piece of panfried steak and garlic or an essential bowl of Tagliatelle Carbonara. How tough can life get?

Quote from the book:
“The vet was very sly about the whole thing. One day I went into the surgery to have my toenails clipped. (I have to be sedated because I have a phobia about nail clippers). The next day I woke up with short toenails. Fine by me, as they were getting a bit long to be honest. I licked my paws as I do every morning, gave my face a quick wipe and then went down to lick my bits. But half my bits were missing! It might have been an accident, of course. Maybe the nail clippers slipped or something but I don't think so. The vet called this essential operation, ‘neutering’. I call it outrageous!"

Another quote from the book:
Despite this, Clogs could really destroy any of us if he wanted to. He is definitely the Darth Vader of the dog world. He even does the Darth breathing thing. (But that’s because he has asthma).

Praise for the book:
Ralf is the Adrian Mole of the dog world. Bravo! (Joanna Gray, who likes shouting exclamatory remarks).

I laughed so much I nearly died. Make sure you don’t read this book and drive at the same time, like I did! (Dave, the cabbie).

Very enjoyable. The story and humour really distracted me from my job. (The book’s proofreader).

A masterpiece of fun and dry wit. (Tom Stoppard). (Noooo…not that one!).

I did not like the bit about the dentures. I wear dentures and I think it is extremely insulting. (Stan, who is dentally compromised).