How Not to be a Jerk‪.‬

There is a particular pleasure in seeing a book called *How Not to Be a Jerk*. Somebody comes to mind immediately.

Perhaps several people. You may already be considering a bulk order.

Then comes the less comfortable possibility that somebody else has seen the same title and thought of you.

This warm, funny and genuinely practical book is about the small encounters that make up so much of a life. It looks at the interruption, the advice nobody asked for and the message sent a little too quickly. It looks at the argument that outlives the question being argued, and at the apology that begins well and then takes a wrong turn with a "but." Most of us can spot these habits instantly in someone else. Recognizing our own part takes a little longer.

Through recognizable scenes, like a meeting about why meetings take so long, a group chat that has found a new target, and a helper who quietly takes over, Stuart Corlett explores what makes us easier to talk to, disagree with, ask for help and trust with an uncomfortable truth. You'll discover how to:

• be right without making the correction about winning
• listen to a complaint without silently preparing your defense
• offer help that leaves the other person's choices intact
• hold your own side to the standards you apply to everyone else
• pause before you press send, and repair what people actually saw
• be kind with a backbone: say an honest no and allow other people theirs
• apologize without asking the injured person to do the work

This is not a manual for becoming permanently available or endlessly agreeable. Disagreement is allowed. You can care about someone and still decline their request, challenge a false claim or leave a conversation that has turned insulting. Consideration includes taking your own needs seriously, and also accepting someone else's no when it inconveniences you.

Drawing lightly on psychological research and never pretending that one finding settles every friendship, workplace or family, this is a book to carry into your next conversation. It won't make everyone reasonable by Thursday. It may help you arrive a little better prepared.

It's slightly imperfect and very human, for anyone who has ever thought of someone else when they read the title.