Thomas Middleton and William Rowley’s The Changeling: A Retelling

This is an easy-to-read retelling of Thomas Middleton and William Rowley’s tragedy titled THE CHANGELING.

1.2
The third madman, a Welshman, said, “Cat whore, cat whore, her parmasant, her parmasant!”
A mouse had eaten his parmesan cheese, and he was insulting the cat for letting it happen.
A “cather” [“cat whore”] is dialect for a scaffolding. Gallows have scaffolds. The word comes from the Welsh cader, which can mean “wooden frame.”
“Cat whore” is also close in pronunciation to “captor.”
A stereotype of the Welsh is that they really liked cheese.

4.1
Noting how eager and excited Diaphanta was, Beatrice said to herself:
“Alas, the gold is but a by-bet — a by-the-way part of the bet — to wedge in the honor.”
Beatrice was making a bet that she could retain her honor by persuading Diaphanta to take her place on her — Beatrice’s — wedding night. The gold was only a small part of the bet — a by-bet — because Beatrice was aware that Diaphanta wanted to sleep with Alsemero; Beatrice’s “alas” showed that Beatrice was aware of that.
The money was an excuse for Diaphanta to agree to sleep with Alsemero without acknowledging that she wanted to sleep with Alsemero.
It is not a good idea to let a boss know that you want to sleep with her husband. It is better to let her think that you want the money. Beatrice was taking this into account and making sure that Diaphanta had an excuse to sleep with Beatrice’s husband — an excuse that Diaphanta believed would not upset Beatrice.
The money would “wedge in the honor.” It would tighten and make firmer Diaphanta’s agreement to give up her honor by giving Beatrice an excuse for Diaphanta to sleep with Alsemero that Diaphanta believed would not upset Beatrice. It would also allow Beatrice to retain a reputation for honesty. “Honor” can be wordplay for “on her,” and Beatrice would allow Alsemero to be on Diaphanta.

4.2
Deflores said:
“No, no, she is a pretty, easy, round-packed sinner —”
“Easy” can mean “of easy virtue.” But an easy sinner is a person who commits small sins: sins that cause little discomfort.
“Round-packed” may mean “with feminine curves” or “pleasantly plumb,” or it may mean that a round circle of her body is frequently packed with a penis.

4.3
Disguised as a madwoman, Isabella then said:
“Let me suck out those billows in thy belly.”
If he had been in the sea, he would have swallowed a lot of water and had billows of it in his stomach.
A billow is a great swelling wave.
In this society, an alternate spelling of “billow” was “bellow.”
According to the Oxford English Dictionary, one definition of “Bellows” is “figurative. Applied to that which blows up or fans the fire of passion, discord, etc.”
A penis can fan the fire of passion. Certainly, the production of semen involves fanning the fire of passion.
If semen can be likened to water, then …
Hmm.
The author of this retelling is shocked. Really. I am.

5.1
Beatrice continued:
“Some ill thing haunts the house. It has left behind a shivering sweat upon me: I’m afraid now. This night has been so tedious and long and vexatious.
“Oh, this strumpet! Even if she had a thousand lives, he should not leave her until he had destroyed the last.”
This was ambiguous:
1) Who is “he”?
2) What does “destroyed” mean?
In the slang of the time, “to die” meant “to have an orgasm.”
One meaning: Even if she had a thousand lives, Alsemero would give Diaphanta a thousand orgasms.
Another meaning: Even if she had a thousand lives, Deflores would murder Diaphanta a thousand times.

5.3
“Let me go to her, sir,” Deflores said.
Alsemero replied:
“Indeed, you shall go to her.”
He called to Beatrice:
“Peace, crying crocodile; your sounds are heard. Silence!”
Crocodile tears are fake tears.
He then said to Deflores:
“Take your prey to you. Get you in to her, sir.”
“In to” can sound like “into,” in which case “Get you into her, sir” is an invitation for Deflores to have sex with Beatrice.