An Honor to Serve.... with a Price to Pay

As a Police Commander in a large urban police department, the author once contemplated committing mass killings before his own attempted suicide. Miraculously saved by colleagues, he was evaluated by psychiatrists who determined he was suffering from Clinical Depression and underwent successful drug treatment and psycho-therapy. He ultimately returned to his career and retired after thirty years of service. As part of his therapy to recall and discuss depressing events in his lifetime, he was encouraged to keep a log of those events along with periods of happiness, disappointment, and anger. From that evolved this life story of peaks of sheer joy, suddenly plunging to the depths of insanity. It includes many happy, disappointing, exciting, mundane, thrilling, dangerous, sad, hilarious, and tragic events in his life and career as a police officer. It illustrates the many causes of depression, including heredity, alcoholism, divorce, death of loved ones, and the stress of a career in law enforcement. Hopefully, it may help other police and first responders cope with the physical and emotional challenges, they and their families may encounter.