If Only, If Only: A Collection of Magical and Humorous Short Stories

We at Ferly Media hope ― no, we know you will enjoy this anthology fiction by indie author, Lennox Mumpsfield. The only reason he's using a pen name here is because he doesn't want the legions of fans beating his front door down to force him into storytelling slavery. This is the only volume of humorous short stories in history to have sold trillions of copies on launch day. Join the craze!
This amalgam of retail stories and fantasy short stories will delight and amuse the whole family. The philosophical stories in this volume alone are enough to make this new reading for the entire populace someday in the new world order that is sure to be ushered in by this ground-breaking and earth-shattering piece of literature.
The Angel of Death, famously camera shy and plagued with interview aversion, graces the pages of anthology fiction for the first time. You saw it here first! This philosophical fiction will change your life.
I know you're probably looking at your cat right now going “Um, actually I don't think I want to read these science fiction stories.” Don't be embarrassed or intimidated. No need to feign disinterest. No need! Your cat will be jealous when it hears about your adventures with talking cats Lunker and Griswold.
What happens when robots take over the world and start forming android gangs and incarcerating one another? These science fiction stories might be able to tell you.
For those of you with a more practical mindset, this humorous fictional anthology has many lessons for those who hope to avoid basic screw ups when dealing with scrupulous and unscrupulous representatives of the criminal justice system.
Ever been reminded of the movie Groundhog Day when playing a first person shooter video game? In a science fiction story in this volume, exactly that happens to an average teenage sweaty gamer. What will be his fate? Will he control his fate or will it be determined by his environment? Get your own copy now to find out what happens!
Lennox is a real magician, as you'll see in the last story of this tome. He doesn't need a captive audience to tell his stories, but he's provided one to entertain you, the real audience. What a guy! Let Mr. Mumpsfield be your tour guide as you explore the cutting edge of contemporary fiction. You haven't lived until you've read this fictional anthology. Can this volume be considered a cult classic? If you consider trillions of people a cult, then yes.
If there's one common theme running through all of the fictional short stories in this volume, it is magnificence. Magnificence of quality. Quality that you can't help but adore. Adore it you will, resist you cannot. Cannot help but rave about the best book you've ever read? Read it once, and still had an indescribable urge to keep reading so read it fifty more times? Times, times! A sign of the times!
Betimes we at Ferly Media sit down by the fireside with several gallons of hot apple cider and begin to sift through the millions of submissions we get every day from aspiring authors. But then we realize, why on earth would we publish any of those dreadful manuscripts when the person who started our publishing company, Lennox Mumpsfield, is the greatest author of all time? From indie author to all star, Lennox is the next new thing. Don't you want to be able to say you were a huge fan way before being a fan was the coolest thing? Before being a fan was written into the U.S. Constitution and mandated along with the payment of income taxes?
Look, we don't want to pressure you. If you don't want to buy the book, don't buy the book. That's your choice. We're just trying to inform you of a fact, that not buying this book and not liking are both physical impossibilities. I mean, don't you want to know if you're about to consider something that's a physical impossibility? It's beneficent of us, is what it is.