Rachel's Manifesto

Saturday, 2 am
Dear Diary:

Most people say that the heart always knows the truth. So all we have to do is listen, and then get up the courage to do whatever it’s telling us to do.

Yeah, right.

It’s a poetic thought, but that’s sure not how it’s working out for me. How can you trust your feelings when they change every day?

So instead, I’m in "think carefully…you might regret it" mode. My boyfriend Hugh says, "Rachel, thinking is all you ever do," but I’m only 17 and this is by far the biggest decision I’ve ever made—having sex for the first time. It’s the twenty-first century…no big deal, right?

But it is a big deal, at least to me. Am I the only virgin going through this? Am I the only one with opinionated friends who spend more time arguing with each other than they do with me?
And the biggest question: If I say no, will I lose him?

My heart is pulling me in two different directions. The trick is to figure out which direction is the right one.