Exodus According to Methuselah

Methuselah, the recording angel of history, is correcting the mistakes in Exodus that the dyslexic and nearsighted scribe who copied the Bible first made. For instance, Moses’s mother takes an entire month to make the basket for the baby since Macy’s has not yet come into existence. The infant’s sister, Miriam, places the basket in the bulrushes of Nile to save the Hebrew baby from being killed. Pharaoh’s daughter, who has severe psoriasis, rescues the infant and raises him in the palace.

When Moses is ten, he is taught how to box. At the age of sixteen, he learns how to drive a chariot. That gives him the inspiration to initiate chariot races when he’s seventeen—long before the Roman ones as depicted in Ben-Hur.

Moses is placed in an anger management class that he hates. He becomes an unquestionably great leader but never fully controls his temper for the rest of his eventful life.