In Through the Outdoor

`In Through The Outdoor’ is my only link with the real world. It is my way to both live and then eventually die. I did not set out or plan to write this book, it simply began. It began because I had to write down what it was I felt. And I felt scared. Very scared. Of nothing. Writing this book was the only way I could survive when nothing made any sense but to me the book also makes no sense. Writing it did not help me one bit. But reading it does and that’s what I hope you do because that will help me a lot, too. That is, I need the money! I hope you enjoy what is in these pages and I hope it doesn’t make too much sense. It’s not meant to – it’s life – it’s just meant to feel right. Right? If this book does make any sense to you then please remember what it is you felt when you read it. Because that is what mentally `unwell’ feel every day of their lives. They just want to make sense like you. And just like you they want to lead normal lives. Normal lives: without fear; without persecution. I hope you understand even if it doesn`t make sense. Because understanding is really all that matters.

The protagonist of ‘In Through The Outdoor’ is not me. That is, it’s not ME, Scott Stewart. I’m the author. But everything in those pages is me, or is or was, a part of me. I’m not the first person ‘I’ of the book’s narrative but then who is? As you read there appears to be another ‘I’, someone called “Steven”. Is he me? Am I him? Am ‘I’ him? We don’t know. I don’t know, and I’m the author. Does anyone really know, then? if even the instigator of the thing in question is uncertain of its meaning or origin? This is what ‘In Through the Outdoor’ is about. It’s about nothing. The nothing that always is that plagues every single one of us, every single day of our existence.