Pretending ... a way of wasting our lives

All my writings are kind of a … self therapy
And i was writing on and on and on …. defining my feelings and thoughts …
But it was a little bit funny realizing the contradiction between what i thought, what i felt deep inside of my soul … and how i was acting on the stage of life.
… analyzing and defining myself … the one that i thought i was … deep into my soul … and the one from the outside world … i was realizing it’s such a huge difference.
And still … i was trying to be better … but all i was doing was … pretending … on and on and on.
But why?!
Why … this huge different between my inner self and the one from the stage of life?!
I knew the theory … and knew all i had to do … and i was really pretending … i was doing the right thing, but …
Well …. most probably my real problem … which was a huge one …. was probably that i was disconnected from my inner self.
I knew about that self.
I knew it exists … and i had to be one with it … and even if i was pretending i was doing the right thing … it was all a lie.
I was lying myself … pretending … on and on and on …
Why?!
Why?!
Why?!
Until one day … when i decided that i need to stop doing that … and practicing the process of self therapy … i started to be more honest in front of myself.
Cause … I was simple … wasting my life … pretending … and i really had to redefine myself.