Useless karma ... inlove relationships

I write trying to understand the secrets of life, but mainly why I can't adapt myself to duality... into a universe which is dominated by it.
And ... i keep writing.
But ... the real truth is that i am not really a writer but a person who's so, so confused and confusing ... clearly proving that i can't understand anything at all.
Of course... like many others.
But ... i continue my philosophical and spiritual journey. Becoming so afraid of karma ... and desperately trying to run away of uselessly provoking it ... but always failing.
Looking so much ... like an idiot. And probably... being one.
That's why i've started ... one more time ... probably the tendency number 8762 ... to practice the process of self therapy ... trying to understand ... this weird dynamic of love relationships.
Explaining to myself ... but also to the public ... what the hell is going on with me ... while in love.
All the time ... looking like ... I'm actually in love ... of
the wrong person ... being into the wrong story ... but ignoring that whatever the Universe allowed to happen ... it's actually a divine lesson.
Being so ... confused. And confusing.