13 Months: Diary of a Caregiver's Grief

When it comes to grieving, there’s no such thing as a schedule.

For therapist and instructor Jaye Tee, her grandmother had always been a source of comfort, the person she could turn to when she needed help.

As her grandmother grew older, their roles shifted, and her grandmother began to need more and more care. Jaye kept trying to adapt, but soon found herself sinking into a pit of “caregiver quicksand,” barely able to keep up yet never feeling like she was doing enough.

When her grandmother died, Jaye had been at her side for almost 15 years. Jaye was certain her training as a therapist would help her navigate this loss. The hospice that had provided support services toward the end of her grandmother’s life offered 13 months of grief counseling, and Jaye set out to take charge of her sorrow and grieve “appropriately” throughout those months.

But she found that grief doesn’t follow schedules or obey commands, and her plan derailed quickly into unrelenting nightmares, growing anxiety, and finally a sense of disconnect so extreme Jaye felt like a stranger to herself. But in the end, help from unexpected directions and some surprising discoveries led her to a new way of thinking about grief—and remaining connected with her grandmother.

13 Months: Diary of a Caregiver’s Grief follows one woman’s journey as she struggles to find a way through the landscape of loss and post-caregiver PTSD to the hope that lies beyond.

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