Butterfly

”But you are always so cheerful” 

Yes, I am.

As well.

But for over 30 years it was all I allowed myself to be. Happy. Strong. Blameless. At least in the presence of others.

When I was alone the monsters took over, tearing my insides apart. But no one could ever know that the monsters lived inside of me. Monsters that could only be kept in check by being perfect.

It took me over 30 years before I started to approach the thought that maybe there was nothing wrong with me, but that there had been wrongs done to me.

Then it took another nine years before I dared believe that I, despite everything, could be worthy of being loved.

And that is when I started to live. 

Butterfly is Erika Dittmer´s autobiographical debut as a writer.

It is a story about survival.

About growing up in a seemingly perfect world but where the façade hid alcoholism, sexual boundlessness, betrayal and psychological ostracism.