I Want My Mummy‪!‬

Two horror stories about mummies, hence the title. Meant as a bit of fun. The first is about a bloke who buys a great metal detector; you’ll never guess what it’s made from. Well, this bloke goes into this farmer’s field and starts detecting. Oh boy, you’ll never guess what he unearths. He also meets his girlfriend in the process. Awwwww, metal detecting; so romantic!
The second story is absolutely true. Well, she shouldn’t have done what she did; and what she was going to do was absolutely bad! I had to stop her.
Sir (Judge) you HAVE to believe me!