Karmic love story = therapy, not trauma

I try to understand ... love.
And women.
Being obsessed with that.
Unfortunately ... the Universe laughs of me behind my back sending me into the most beautiful illusory love relationships ... but realistically ... realising it much too late. Then ... all is suddenly changing ... the truth being revealed. And ... i hate it.
The beautiful vibes of the amazing love story ... turns on into ... a nightmare.
I am shocked.
I feel frustrated.
Totally annoyed.
But ... all is repeating.
On and on ... and on.
Obviously being karmic ... but denying it.
Continuing.
And ... i can't see that the real purpose of it ... is to redefine me ... as a human being.
Experience love.
Understand it.
But ... start loving for real.
Becoming one with my partner.
2 souls ... metamorphosed into 1 soul.
Of course ... i refuse it.
I say i want it ... but realistically ... i am acting so, so
contradictory.
Being confused.
Too confused.
Fortunately ... deep inside myself i know i must allow all to continue.
And ... it simply continues.
Living a non ending emotional balance.
Seen also ... as normality, but being ... in fact ... nothing than a form of abstract therapy.