LOSING THE COMPASS... the pathetic journey on pathless paths

I meditate.
I think a lot.
I've became addicted to it.
It's sort of an obsession.
... looking also as an addiction.
I study the concept of illusory, but no matter what i always end up into the illusion.
Feeling without a compass.
Not ... just lost.
... but extremely lost.
Of course ... all was induced of the fact that ... i had realised that no matter what direction i might follow ... all was the opposite of what i've wanted ... and actually a pathless path.
So ... yeah ... i am the profile experiencing life as a
disappointment ... but paradoxically still suffering of this
incurable disease called optimism ... i continue hoping.
Hoping of a better tomorrow.
... one that never comes.
Meanwhile ... i express all those thoughts, emotions and
feelings from inside of me... writing and writing.
Trying to analyse and define this weird dynamic ... still
expecting that i might find a solution to redefine the scenario of this damn life ... but unfortunately still living in hell In despair.
A non ending torture.
A nonsense