How We Change

A paradigm-shifting, instant classic in the making that challenges our assumptions about change by encouraging us to understand and embrace our resistance to it.

We all have something we want to change about ourselves. But whether it's quitting smoking, losing weight, or breaking some common bad habit or negative behavior pattern, we feel a sense of failure when we don’t succeed. This often sets off a cascade of negative feelings and discouragement, making it even harder to change. The voice in our head tells us: Why bother?

Successful change depends far more on understanding why we don’t change, psychotherapist and sociologist Ross Ellenhorn insists. His decades-long career as a pioneer in helping people overcome extreme psychiatric experiences and problematic substance use issues—especially those whom the behavioral healthcare system has failed—especially those whom the mental healthcare system has failed—has lead him to develop an effective, long-term method to achieve transformation, from the simplest shifts to the most profound. In How We Change, Ellenhorn looks to the evolutionary imperatives driving us. We are wired to double down on the familiar because of what he calls the Fear of Hope—the act of protecting ourselves from further disappointment. He identifies the “10 Reasons Not to Change” to help us see why we behave the way we do, making it clear that there is nothing broken inside us—it’s how we’re built. By addressing this little known reality, he gives us hope and helps us work toward the change we seek. 

Ellenhorn speaks to the core of our insecurities and fears about ourselves, with a humor and kindness. By turning our judgements about self-destructive behaviors into curious questions about them, he teaches us to think about our actions to discover what we truly want—even if we’re going about getting it in the wrong way. How We Change is a brilliant approach that will forever alter our perspective—and help us achieve the transformation we truly seek.

Supplemental enhancement PDF accompanies the audiobook.