Mother Parker (Unabridged‪)‬

Divorced. Beaten down. A failure. Until a ray of sunshine comes into my life...

People call me Officer Grumpypants, but wouldn't you be if life kept knocking you down?

My life is an endless sh*t list that I can't even begin to unravel.

It started when my wife walked out on me.

It continued when my home was repossessed.

And it all came to an epic conclusion with almost getting shot to death.

What I need is to get my mind in order and my life back on track.

So when my old commander offers me a job in Mayberry Holm, I grab the opportunity by the balls.

I'm ready to put my head down and my hands at work.

What I wasn't planning though was becoming pet food for crows by this infuriating little man who throws seeds at me.

Or being hired to help said man with his new store.

Or having to protect him from a bunch of criminals that prey on his softness and sweetness.

Even though he drives me insane, I can't stop thinking of him. And even though he's annoyingly cheerful, I can't help but smile around him.

Or fantasize about him doing... naughty things to me.

What the hell is happening to me? Am I falling for the young, bubbly, pink-haired man? And is it too late to stop it?

Welcome to Mayberry Holm, a small island in the Atlantic full of crime, secrets and happily-ever-afters, and the ex-Navy SEALs that come to deal with them all.