Noble Savage, Deadbeat Dad: How Rousseau Invented Modern Society While Failing at Basic Human Decency (Cogito Ergo Nope) (Unabridged‪)‬

In this mercilessly funny takedown, Jean-Jacques Rousseau—history's most insufferable philosopher—gets the roasting he so richly deserves. Noble Savage, Deadbeat Dad exposes the spectacular hypocrisy of a man who abandoned five children at orphanages while writing the definitive guide to education, preached natural virtue while exposing himself to strangers, and railed against wealth while living off rich patrons.


Laugh out loud as we dissect Rousseau's greatest contradictions: his fetishization of indigenous cultures (without meeting any actual indigenous people), his belief that society corrupts natural goodness (while engaging in deeply unnatural bedroom activities), and his conviction that he alone understood true freedom (while being pathologically dependent on others for basic survival).


This savagely irreverent guide reveals how a paranoid, chronically constipated Swiss misanthrope somehow managed to inspire both democracy AND totalitarianism between bouts of accusing everyone he met of conspiring against him. With brutal honesty and razor-sharp wit, we explore how Rousseau's complete disaster of a personal life somehow produced philosophical insights that still haunt us today—especially when we complain about technology ruining society while scrolling through social media.


Perfect for philosophy students in desperate need of comic relief, or anyone who enjoys watching narcissistic geniuses get thoroughly eviscerated. 

Warning: Listening to this audiobook in public may cause uncontrollable laughter and concerned looks from serious academics.