The prize possession of former football hero, part-time media personality, and full-time blowhard BJ Baker has been stolen from his palatial Palm Beach home. Baker has called in the mayor, the police, the sheriff, and everyone else he can co-opt into the search. But if he really wants the person who can find it, one name keeps coming up: Miami Jones. Problem is, he can't stand Jones. And the feeling is mutual.
Miami takes on a jealous husband, a feisty ex-con, and a police detective desperate to claim everyone else's 15 minutes of fame, and he finds that Florida is home to so many retired athletes he could start a pensioner football league. But can Miami hunt down the culprit before they graduate from theft to something far more deadly?