Stop Blaming Others: How to Change Self-Destructive Behavior (Unabridged‪)‬

Before Larry Jones became a successful businessman, he had to overcome some of his own battles. Growing up as an abused child, he struggled with defining his identity, which led to lots of fighting and a harsh tongue. As a single father, Larry suffered a divorce, being broke, homelessness, divisive co-parenting, and PTSD. He imparts his knowledge through his journey of hardship and lessons learned, perfect examples of how anyone can withstand the challenges of life.   

The pursuit of emotional validation is just the equivalent of embracing a life of torture. Seeking emotional validation could turn people off due to your unhealthy motivations as well as the resultant behaviors. The main reason why you have the issue of pursuing the love and approval of others, just like James, is that you have the desire to get it from your parents - the old mommy and daddy issues.  

Let's take a look at how the validation issue works. The moment you have a validation or approval issue, you're operating from the point of "why doesn't my mom or dad love me?" When you start to work with this kind of mindset, then it's apparent that you're attempting to validate that it isn't true - you're trying to establish the fact that your parents truly love you. However, you're going about this the wrong way.  

The short story of James, which we earlier saw, shows that he is in an approval trap, and most people are born into this trap without a choice. We're always seeking our parents' approval to help us learn more about life and even build our confidence. It's just the way things are structured, especially when we're young. Well, when we live every day of our lives around our parents, it sometimes makes them appear as gods to us. So, we end up doing everything within our tiny power just to secure their approval.